Since moving to a new city (Fayetteville), Jared and I have been really happy. We both love our jobs and we love each other and we love exploring our city together, but something that has been a real struggle for us and really me is making friends.
Something you may not know about me is I am an introvert, this is something that has progressed throughout my lifetime. In college, I was the life of the party I had no problem talking to new people and making friends, but as I am gotten older I have become more reserved.
I have a really hard time opening up to people and really just initiating things to do or conversations. I would say I have a few close acquaintances and even “friends”, but I’m having a really hard time with not having a best friend. Like sure, Jared’s my best friend but I mean like a ride or die gal pal to go to happy hour with, watch trashy tv together or even just talk and hang out on a weekly basis.
I feel like I have tried everything… I’ve tried small groups at church. I’ve tried my adult dance class. I’ve even tried Bumble BFF (side note maybe it works in a bigger city, but there are some really odd people on there).
In an attempt to be more transparent in 2018, I thought I would open up about this topic because I feel like it’s something people don’t talk about enough and I know there are others like me struggling to have or make friends whether you are in a new city or maybe an old city where all your friends have moved away.
Just know that you aren’t alone and I am struggling with the same thing you are.
Do you have tips for making new girlfriends? Let me know in the comments below!
Erin | Rosewood Runway says
Same struggle here girl! I have tried the meetup app/website. Not great luck so far, but I’m still joining groups and trying new things.
Best of luck!! We can do this!!
Hillary Cripps says
I have felt the same way as I’ve become older and since getting married! I’ve also grown distant from my ‘best friends’ recently just due to have different interests as we grow older. I’ll be your ride or die gal pal!! I’ve seriosuly been struggling with this exact same thing. Thanks for sharing!
Yes Yes Yes! Making friends when you’re older is harder! We just need to be in the same city and we’ll be besties!!
Alexis M says
I feel the EXACT same way! I joined a small group at church, hoping that helps some. I do have a couple friends I am close with, but they don’t share the same relationship with Christ that I have, which leaves me longing for more. It is comforting to know I am not alone in this! Thanks for sharing this 🙂
That’s really tough! Girls can be intimidating too, so it’s definitely difficult! You are 100% not alone girl friend!
Girl, yes. I wrote a post on this very topic a few months back. I’m an extroverted introvert and have a hard time putting myself out there since I’m a homebody at heart. It’s so hard to click with someone in a new city and I’m still struggling two years in! Best of luck ?
Going to read your post now! I am such a homebody as well! Too bad we did live closer together!!
I’m an introvert and a homebody, so I totally relate! I have lived in the same place for just over four years now, but in that time I have attended two different churches and been part of different small groups. So it hasn’t been the same consistent local community for four years. I am blessed to be part of a great small group of girls now that I can be open and vulnerable with, but lately God has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and start initiating coffee dates with girls I want to get to know even better. My advice would be to hang in there and keep reaching out. You will find your people!
Thanks Liz! This is so encouraging! I just need to put myself out there and step out of my comfort zone!
I went through the exact same thing after moving back home to a different time zone from college! It was awful to realize how alone I felt and to see what all my college friends were doing together on Facebook. I moved home at the time to save money and just assumed I was doing life wrong. It took me a few solid years to find people I’ve actually connected with. I prayed for friends so much especially with a faith foundation. Know you’re definitely not alone. Sometimes I wish all the blogging pals could meet up and be in the same area too!
Yes, I wish all my online friends were real life friends that could all hang out!! It is hard to play the FOMO/comparison game, I try to stay far away from that, but it’s easy to slip into!
I think this is a great topic!! I live inDallas, and even though it’s much larger than Fayetteville (I went to school at U of A) I still find it difficult to find true girl friends. Thanks for posting this! It’s nice to know I am not the only one. ?
You are definitely not the only one! I am so glad you can relate!
I wish we lived closer because I would totally be your friend! haha! My husband and I are both transplants to IL (coming from Michigan and Ohio). What worked for me was to lean on our colleges’ alumni groups, which are super big in the Chicago area. Also, I have met all my closest friends at Pure Barre — I know that sounds silly, but really, I have gotten so close to gals who work out at the same time as me (most are teachers, too, with the same schedule), and it has been so nice. I am not sure if you have ever tried PB, but it is a great workout full of amazing women!
I am sure you will meet a bestie soon!
I’ve heard Pure Barre is a great place to make friends, but honestly, I hate working out lol! Maybe I need to pick it up. It’s a win-win get in shape and make friends!
Amy M says
My fiancé and I have moved states four times together, and only in this last move have we started to really master this challenge. I definitely consider myself reserved as well, but when we realized this last move would be our final for the foreseeable future, I went down a bit of a “Facebook Rabbit Hole” finding every business and event in our area that interested me, and those we great places to meet people. It was very isolating not making friends in the other places we lived, and I knew this needed to change. Our experience has been that there are more people in the same situation than you would expect. He joined several community sports teams (hockey, kickball, baseball – our area even has a social flip cup league, haha!) and made many friends that way.
I didn’t want all of my new friends to be the significant others of his friends, so an easy thing I found to be an ice breaker was to speak on things I noticed and liked about other women at the events or coffee shops or stores I went to.That way I could also make my own friend group.
Compliments are great ice breakers (Especially when given sincerely) and if they’re already in a place that you sought out, you probably at least have that store/restaurant/event in common! My formula (sorry, Type A here, and this has worked pretty well) is: Speak on the good you see on or about someone (re: sincere compliments!!), and follow up with something along the lines of “Hey, I’m new to the area, any suggestions on places I should check out?” (or any general question that can 1: give you valuable intel about your new city and 2: alert the person to the fact that you’re new! If they are or have been in the same situation, I’ve found they are very willing to make follow up plans, and if not, you could’ve found yourself a local who might want to show off their city to you.). Women are way more kind and supportive of each other than we give ourselves credit for. It’s absolutely uncomfortable to initiate conversation with strangers, but I’ve found this to be an easy way to start! 🙂
Your pup is going to be a great tool for making friends, too (we have absolutely exploited our golden retriever for this, shameless). We have found dog parks to be a great place for making friends, as well as get in the know on places to board your dog when you have trips your fur baby can’t participate in. Dog people will love to tell you who the best pet-sitters are, the vets you should see, and what vaccinations (this was enlightening in every state we lived in**) that are not required in general but your pup would benefit from (certain viruses and exposure to ailments vary region to region, I feel stupid saying this but we really had no idea. There’s been at least one vax we didn’t know about that we were alerted to through our local vet or through people at the dog park). We have made great friends (who we have mutual petting-sitting arrangements with!) through dog parks.
Word of caution though: be prepared for friend break-ups! If you put yourself out there enough, you will meet people who make a great first impression, but you learn as the friendship progresses that maybe this isn’t something that’s right for you. Manners go a long way when severing the ties – but remember, you don’t owe them anything and don’t want to get stuck feeling obligated to be someone’s friend who does not contribute positively to your life!!
Whew- that was long, sorry!!! I hope this helps. I rarely comment on blogs but this is really something that I have struggled with (4 times, hah!) and I found this techniques to be so helpful, even for an introvert. I now have a great group of gal pals and it really makes a difference in loving where you live 🙂 Some of the girls in my group also had luck with Bumble BFF, but I did not, but everything with a grain of salt! Your experience might be different.
Good luck! I’m sure you’ll find your “tribe”!! 🙂
Hey Amy! Thank you SO much for sharing this so helpful!! I think your 100% right I need to push myself and put myself out there. I am definitely going to make it my mission to follow the steps you listed. I am also a type A personality, so your advice is so encouraging and helpful! Thanks again so much!!